It’s October 1st. The first day of my favorite month. Why, you might ask? It’s not because I necessarily love the fall, or the start of “spooky season” or really for any other reason other than it’s my birthday month. Every year, I set out to celebrate me in a memorable way, which usually means an international trip. For anyone new here, traveling has become my favorite hobby ( duh, this is a travel blog after all). For the past couple years now, I've had this itch to experience solo travel for the first time. So I had decided, THIS year would be the birthday that I finally scratched that itch, with a trip for me and by me, with only me.

I decided on Hawaii for several reasons: it had always been on my dream travel list, my brother is stationed there and we could celebrate our birthdays together and also, I mean c’mon, its Hawaii. The weather, the vibes, the culture and the food, I was sure would be unmatched from any trip I’ve taken so far. So I called my brother, told him I bought my ticket and I let my friends know that I love them, but this trip was just for me this time. I abandoned all planning, all itineraries, even the mandatory pre travel prep that us women love to do. I packed a carryon, a large personal item and boarded by plane for O’ahu to spend 5 days in Waikiki, turning 31, by myself.

Who opts to spend their birthday alone?

When friends and family asked me why I wanted to spend my birthday alone, my answer was simple: Because I just want some “me” time. But really, the answer is a little more complex than that. If you’re new where, hi! My name is Amani and I’m the eldest of 10 siblings. Im the eldest daughter, first grandchild and first niece. Any woman who just read that, and holds a similar position in her family already knows where I’m coming from. This position is something I’ve talked about on my socials and recently on my podcast “Amani Talks Podcast”, where I dove into the implications, realities and difficulties that come from being the eldest daughter. The Word tells us there’s a special calling on the first born. "Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “Consecrate to Me all the firstborn, whatever opens the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and beast; it is Mine.” Exodus 13:1-2. Where the LORD has a special calling, the enemy will do his best to attack.

This is why I believe eldest daughters, especially have common hardships, that really only we understand and have lived through. The parentification, the struggle, the extreme self-reliance that comes from not only being the guinea pig child but also being the one to figure most things out on your own. And don’t forget that while you’re figuring life out for yourself, you also have to be the good example to your younger siblings. It becomes too much, and instead of rising to the calling of the leadership role that God has given to us, we tend to run away. We leave our home towns. We get as far away from our families as we can. We start our own lives, independent from expectation, noise, and constantly having others around us. And once we’ve made it there, the peace becomes addicting. I wanted to turn 31 free from considering others, free from a schedule, free from talking, just free.

5 days on O’ahu

I stayed at the Wayfinder hotel in Waikiki, full of tourism, beach shore and shopping. My first night there my brother and I had poke at Redfish for dinner. My second day, I went shopping and bought myself a happy birthday present: A Louis Vuitton Nice ( I mean, if I'm going to be traveling, Im taking my makeup with me in style). This day was also my brother’s birthday and we hung out again, getting truck food food and finally trying some different eats at a 7/11. On my third day I rented a jeep, visited the Ho’omaluhia Botanical Garden, took a detour to the Dole Pineapple plantation, then eventually got to the North shore to watch surfers and have a beach day. I ended that day with a sunset cruise to see the Friday night fireworks and called it a night. The next day was my actual birthday and I spent the morning at the beach and spent the night at a luau watching hula dancers, and taking in some of the most beautiful views I’ve seen so far. Sunday came and I found a baptist church to visit after brunch and had a cozy day at the hotel, while the weather also took a bit of a break from the sun. Monday, my final day came and I dared to push myself with a hike to the Lulumahu Falls that ended up being little more adventure than I counted on. That same afternoon, I was on my flight back home to Atlanta.

My final thoughts on my first, and I'm sure not last trip to Hawaii are mixed. There is no other place in the world that you will get the views you are able to experience in Hawaii. There were times I would just stop and look toward the sky and suddenly feel extremely small while gazing at mountains in the clouds, or feel almost afraid looking at the powerful waves of the Ocean. The beauty of almost everything around me was breath taking. It felt like I was walking in a dream even on a simple walk. You simply cannot beat Hawaiian landscape. The people and culture were also beautiful. It gives “slow” living. Everyone is friendly and relaxed and I loved that. The food was another discussion. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting for Hawaiian cuisine, but it definitely was not what I got. Even with the knowledge that Waikiki is built off tourism and that Hawaii is still apart of the U.S.A, I was still let down by how “American” the food was. Hawaii also has a very heavy Japanese, Chinese and Filipino population, so if you don’t like Asian food, you probably wouldn’t find much to eat on the fly. My first poke and loco loco experiences were there, so that’s something at least. Overall I did like Hawaii, but it’s definitely not top of my favorite places I’ve travelled. Maybe next time I visit on my honeymoon (lol), It’ll be more fun.

Was the solo trip worth it?

When I bought my ticket to Hawaii, I was so excited. Not even necessarily for the trip itself or even for my birthday, but for the new experience of a solo trip. Even though I live alone, and quite honestly already spend a fair amount of time in solitude, the idea of exploring a new place on my own time, on my own schedule, with no one depending on me for planning, no one depending on me for the vibes, just going by the whim of my seat, just seemed exhilarating. I looked forward to the relaxation and being able to say that I have taken a solo trip. It was almost for the bragging rights of it. And for the first 48 hours, I was truly having a ball. Moving without expectation, just me and my tripod with the island as our backdrop. It wasn’t until about the third day that the mood of the solitude began to shift from “liberating” to slight “forlornness”. I was still having fun but as I begin to look around at the sights and as I'm experiencing these new things for the first time, I began to wish that these first time experiences were being shared with someone. I began to realize that the chosen solitary life I live in Atlanta has a different feeling. There are times when I’m living my day to day life that I fantasize about having a partner to go to church with, a partner to go to dinner with, even just someone to watch my favorite shows with. But even those moments are often fleeting, and are quickly settled with a 2 hour phone call to my close friends or my mom.

This was different. What I learned about myself on this trip was that it’s no longer emotionally fulfilling for me to just have new experiences. I want to experience them with someone. The things I buy, although very nice, won’t compare to memories of intense laughter with a friend or the feeling of falling in love, no matter where I am. Do I regret doing the solo trip for my birthday? Absolutely not. It feels good to know that I truly do like and love myself enough to know that I am enough company for me when celebrating a life milestone. Will I do it agaon? Probably not. Now that I’ve crossed that experience off the list, I don’t have the desire anymore. I know my next season in life is marriage, family and ministry. I have totally lived my selfish years to the fullest and have zero regrets for the past 9 years that I’ve lived by myself in Atlanta. But lately I have felt the Lord calling me back to my family. Calling me back to be more of an aunt to my niece, to be more of a big sister to all my siblings, to be more of a daughter and friend to my mom and even to be a wife and create my own family soon.

Should you take a solo trip?

Even with my realization that shared experiences are important to me, I would still encourage all women out there to take the solo trip. Before you have children, before you get married, before you settle down in life in any way: live for the Lord first, then secondly. live out your “alone” years with adventure; fulfilling your dreams and checking off your life’s bucket list. Do it now before you are constrained. Do it now to make sure that you love yourself to the capacity that will be required of you in your next season of life. Take the solo trip. Live by yourself. Move to a new city. Even if just once. You’ll learn a lot about yourself in your solitude. By the LORD’s grace, your time to be with someone will come. These years you have to be alone, you will never get back. So do it all, document it, and remember it. And when He brings you into your wife and mommy years, you’ll fully recognize the transition, accept and enjoy it, with zero regrets. My recommendation: TAKE THE SOLO TRIP.

I turned 31 in Hawaii by myself

Who opts to spend their birthday alone?

5 days on O’ahu

Was the solo trip worth it?

Should you take a solo trip?

My first Christian Girl’s Trip